EUREKA!

Ok, illumination.

I found out why I binge. Just like that, ouT of the blue, while talking to my husband.

It is frustration. Frustration related to food, to life, to work, but yeah. I'm a very frustrated person, if I look at how often and how much I binged during the last two weeks. Wheeee !

Now I have to find a way to canalize that frustration. A way that does not involve food, auto destruction and destruction of other people's goods.

I mostly binge during work days. Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. I often have Monday off, and I practically never binge on Fridays. (Interesting...) I don't eat like a pig on week-ends either, even when I'm working. But I know the three middle days are the most stressful (and frustratiiiing !!!) days of the week in my department.

Now, let's look at when I DON'T eat.

-When I work as an independant beauty consultant for Mary Kay. Can't eat during presentations, can I ? =P
-When I work from home
-When I bead (Try stringing a necklace with sticky fingers...)
-When I am in my bed
-When I read
-...When I sleep =P

The bed. The bed is what made me click. I eat at the computer desk, on the sofa, on the coffee table, in front of the TV... Literally EVERYWHERE except at the table or in bed. Another thing that's going wrong here, but finding the problems often leads to finding a solution. Let's keep on going.

So I eat everywhere huh ? Even at work. I eat at my desk. So from now on, I will only eat at the table. Period. I need to break the habit, so computer desk of coffee table won't be associated with food anymore. So if I can break the circle of the food associated with every single place in the house/office, I might be halfway there.

So let's try the table rule when it comes to food.

And the Winner is.....

MISSSARAHLOU !!!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations, you just won the earrings for this giveaway !!! Please get in touch with me by email, I need your address information so I can ship these out as soon as I can !

Thanks to everyone who participated and gave ideas. I forwarded the suggestions to my team leader, who was very pleased with them. Thank you, thank you, thank you !

There will be another giveaway in May, keep on reading, you might want to participate.

I'm Weird, I know.

Gosh, do I love working week-ends. Mostly spring or summer week-ends, because the office is soooo quiet ! I can drink my morning coffee and eat my breakfast without being bothered, plus, I'm sure to finish early, since we're not open in the evening, as opposed to weekdays, on which we're open from 8AM to 9PM. (I despise finishing at 9PM. It's way too late for me.)

So yeah. I'm drinking my second cup of coffee since I arrived, around 7:45. I'm going to wait until 9:30 or 10:00 before eating my breakfast, to give myself the fake impression that I woke up late. All is good. I'm relaxed (Relatively relaxed, if you take in account the three cups of coffee I had this morning.)

Wow, I just realised something. I'm often struggling to stay within my daily points during the week, on Wednesdays and Thursdays. I ALWAYS binge on these two days only. Monday is fine, Tuesday is fine, but for some odd reason, it's always the middle of the week. I will have to catch the pattern/cause and put an end to it. But finding out that it happens ONLY on those two particular days surprised me a lot ! I mean sometimes people will eat more on week-ends, or people will tend to be less on plan on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, but the week-end appears to be easier for me food-wise. I don't know why, but it's fine by me, Weight In is on Monday, so I still have time to "catch up" if I do happen to have an over-eating episode. I don't like saying catching up, but that's how I see it. Some weeks are fine, I won't go over my 35 weekly points, but some are not. Like some people I know from the Weight Watchers forums, I will post my menu for today, to help me stay accountable.

Breakfast (4 pts)
Weetabix
Blueberries
Milk
Coffee X3 !

Lunch (8 pts)
Meatballs in tomato juice (Veal and brown rice)
Campbell's tomato soup (This one is a treat, I don't have it often !)
Cucumber with salt and pepper
Non fat yogourt

Snack (1 pt)
Cucumber with salt and pepper
Mini Babybel light

Dinner (7 pts)
Steak
Beets
Sweet potato
Fresh grapes

I'm also experimenting something. I'm "starving" myself on purpose to learn to feel hunger. (Starving is a big word here !) I eat all I have to eat, but I wait until I am really hungry or start feeling hungry before eating. I am not familiar with the hunger sensation, so that's why I want to get familiar with it. Sometimes I think I'm hungry when I'm not, so I just start eating without thinking, and that's how I get past my 20 daily points before dinner. So this is my hunger experiment. And it's working right now, as my belly is growling so loud my boss can hear it. Ten minutes before 10:00, I can wait =)

Tonight, I will get home, and will have a draw with all the people who commented on the giveaway thread giving suggestions for fund raising events or simply commented and followed my blog. I can't wait to see who the winner is ! Wrapping and packaging the earrings will keep me busy enough so I don't eat everything in sight !

April 18th, National Women's Show

April 18th, National Women's Show, originally uploaded by brindegazon.

Hi people, here's some updates on what I've been doing this past week-end...

So, on April 18th, I went to the National Women's Shows with my friends Karin, Tina and her sister. I had a BLAST ! Plenty of nice things to see, taste and do ! I couldn't stay for the whole day, since I was supposed to pick my friend April up at her place.

We found some Moût de Pomme bottles for like 3 bucks, they're normally 6$ in grocery stores ! So I got myself two. There's not alcohol, and it's very refreshing ! That's one drink I like in the summer by the pool =P

Also took pictures with Harley motorcycles, RAWR ! There were professionnal photographers taking pictures with a background, but mine ended up being blurry, because I moved my face =( So here's one (Picture at the top of this post) that Karin took of me with another Harley. That'll do the job.

Then after that show, I went to pick April up and we could get prepared for my Mary Kay class, in the afternoon. I had 3 friends coming, and we had loads of fun.

I already have 3 other skincare classes booked for the beginning of May. I will be a very busy person, and will need to stay on plan more than ever.

I'm getting back on the wagon today. Hope it works.

Oh, and bad start : Sour milk in my cereals this morning. Time for some groceries =/

Boarding the Pink Train !

Well, that's it. I'm now an independant beauty consultant for Mary Kay. I signed my consultant agreement and had my very first class yesterday. I must say I was nervous, but Nathalie, my recruiter, was there and could answer all my questions.

We had a nice afternoon with friends, we could talk and pamper ourselves at the same time, and honestly, I think everybody had a great time.

I now need to reach my 30 days 30 faces objective, and I am pretty sure I will succeed.

Yay !

One Week Left !

Yes, only one week left before we draw the winner for my giveaway. I want to thank everyone for their participation, making this little event a success. I am already planning another giveaway for the month of May, but I'm still looking for the perfect item to list here.

In the meantime, I'm reposting the giveaway details, if anybody who didn't participate yet wants to get a chance to win a cute pair of PINK earrings.

My first giveaway !!! - Extended until April 25th !!!

So to thank you all for your support, I offer the chance to all my readers to win this nice pair of pink earrings made by yours truly.

To qualify, you must :

-Either post a comment on the original giveaway post with a new fund raising idea my walking/running team could use !

-Or follow this blog and comment on the original giveaway post so I know who you are !

Please leave your email address so I can contact you if you are the winner ! Giveaway starts on March 28th at 5PM EST and ends on Easter Sunday, April 25th, at 5PM EST. Names will be put in a hat and my lovely sister Roxanne will pick a winner !

Good luck everyone =)

-V

Understanding Each Other's Role

It is funny how a misunderstanding can become a huge storm. My husband and I had that big argument about the Bible's view of the woman's role in a marriage. I kept on stumbling on the word submission, and got mad. I didn't quite understand what that meant. Did it mean that men have authority over women ? Does it mean submission as in "supporting your husband's decisions" ?

Then comes the misunderstandings. My husband was trying his best to explain, but I guess the words didn't come out the way they should have, and to be honest, at that very point, I wasn't even willing to listen to more "insanity" from him. (Poor little hubby !) But I went to get help, and I got help from my fellow TeamCAC members. They helped me to see that submission doesn't mean that your husband has authority over you. It does not mean that you can't take decisions either, as your husband has to respect you and value your opinions. Your husband should love you enough and trust you enough to let you take decisions. The most clear and simple explanation came from Sharon (From http://javachip.etsy.com/ ) and here's what it says :

"Immediately following the verse where wives are to submit to their husbands, Paul instructs ALL believers in Christ to submit to each other. And the word "submit" has a unique meaning as well. Submission does not mean mindless obedience without a choice. The same word for "submit" is used when Christ "submitted" to God and CHOSE to die on the cross. The Greek word, hupotassō, is often translated as “submitting to” or “being subject” to. It had two uses: military and non-military. The military use implies obedience of a command, but the non-military use implies an attitude of cooperating, helping carry a burden, voluntarily giving in. It means to "support". So as women we are to support our husbands in their decisions and support their leadership, helping them to carry their burden. Wives are told to submit to their husbands as to the Lord, and Christ told us to submit to him as the Church, and if he meant for it to be a military submission, then he would have not gone to all the trouble to die for us out of a loving sacrifice and give us the CHOICE to submit. "

I also understand now, the role of the husband in the unity of marriage. But giving him the title of head of a household, God is qualifying that man to become a protector for his family. He does not make him a dictator over his family, he's just giving that important role to the man so he can protect and support his family as God protects and love His children unconditionally. But the husband also owes respect to his wife ! A marriage is a unity, where both parts have their own roles. Let's look at the woman's role now.

The woman is here to support her husband as a protector (Referred to as "head of the household" here) but also needs to take her place. It doesn't mean that she's there to sweep floors and make babies, it also means budgetting, take decisions and let her opinion be heard. In no way the man should be the only one taking important decisions for the family, and in no way the woman whould be the only one doing so either. A marriage is a unity composed of two beings, and it is natural that these said beings agree together and discuss things together. None of them is more important than the other, and any decision taken that regards the family and the marriage unity should be discussed and the two parts should come to an agreement regarding that decision. Everything has to be done in love and respect, and both opinions should be valued.

So here. We're not doormats. Each person has their place and role to play in this life, and has to understand it. I can play my role, now that everything is clear in my head.

Thank you, TeamCAC. You ladies are a considerable source of wisdom I know I can always turn to. Hugs to Angela, Anastasia, the Krispybanana (don't know your first name sorry =/) Char, Halohatz (No first name again =/) Busybee, Sharon and Amy. If I forget someone, I'm sorry. But I love you too !

Scary.

A tour operator that was in business for 37 years here in Canada closed down yesterday. For somebody like me, working in the travel industry, that's nothing reassuring, but I feel like the company I work for will get out of this bad financial climate strong and alive.

What scares me the most is the comments I have seen on news websites, such as CBC.ca. People are bashing the company, of course, blaming them for everything, but have they thought of the people working for them ? Hundreds of employees were laid off as a result. Hundreds of people no longer have a job. That's what is the saddest.Yes, passengers are out of pocket, but at least, the credit card companies and the trust funds created for those situations will help them get their money back... The ones at destination will be brought back on their original flight, airlines already confirmed that information yesterday.

But those who lost their jobs can't get any money back. They will go on unemployment and maybe find a job, somewhere, sometime. In this situation, nobody really wins. The company recorded huge losses which lead to them closing, the passengers are not stuck, but are facing an extremely frustration situation, and the employees had to go home yesterday without a job or the confirmation they would even find one later on.

Please, people, be human. Take the passenger's side if you want, but also think of the other people implied in this. This is nothing funny, and there is always two sides to a medal.

Some Before and After Pics !

(LEFT) So here's myself, at my heaviest weight, 163.6 lbs. The picture is cut because there was someone else on the picture with me.

Anyway, I signed up for Weight Watchers shortly after. I mean, even my face looks fat on this picture !!! I was really determined to do something about my weight then. I told myself that I wouldn't start Weight Watchers, then drop out, then start again... No, I vowed to keep on doing this until the end, even if I knew this would be hard. I also vowed to maintain my weight after I was done with the loss part.

I know that maintaining your weight is an everyday fight, my mom had to go through this. She lost 35 pounds with Weight Watchers years ago, when my sister was born, and she has been maintaining ever since. Now I understand when she says "no thanks" to some kinds of foods, I understand why she doesn't buy chips often. Those things I didn't quite understand when I was younger with no weight issues. But now, believe me, I do. I now understand why she would insist that we eat our steamed veggies without butter. Now I understand why she would not allow extra-butter (extra fat !) popcorn in the house.

(RIGHT) At approximately 155 pounds. We must admit, I look MUUUCH better. Goodbye fat face already, lost a lot of belly fat just there.

That's really when I started to see a difference. I started to feel lighter, I was then able to run. My knees wouldn't make me suffer when I walked or climbed stairs. I would walk faster, and I would not feel my legs rubbing each other anymore.

I started to like myself then. Because I saw results, and I didn't feel like giving up. Even now, when I struggle, the first thoughts that go through my head are not those of giving up. The throughts that go through my head tell me that I am strong and that I should keep on going.

I want results ? Gotta fight for those, and that's what I'm doing. Liking yourself and seeing results is a BIG plus for the motivation. It is the fuel that keeps you going, it is the drive you need. I just started loosing weight, and the most important part for me was to see the little transformations my body was going through. It felt great, and encouraged me to persevere.

(LEFT) Me at 145 lbs. People that hadn't seen me for a long time were there when this picture was taken, and some of them said they almost didn't recognize me.

Clothes were all starting to be too loose, this was the last time I wore that top.

This is when I had to find money to go shopping. I loved that part. I went to get some trousers that were on sale, knowing that they wouldn't fit anymore 10 lbs later... But the best part was when I was in the fitting room. My grand mother was waiting outside and could hear me yell "OH GOSH I FIT IN A SIZE 9 !!! THIS MEDIUM TOP FITS !!!" That was an awesome day. And I got some neat bargains on everything I bought.

So that's it for the before pictures. Now, we'll look at some pictures of myself I took in the fitting room at SmartSet's today. I went shopping, and decided that I neede to spend on things that I would be able to wear even at my goal weight. For example, I will NEVER be able to wear smaller than a small for dresses. Why ? I have breasts. And I really can't hide them.

So here's what I bought : 1 black t-shirt, 1 white t-shirt, 1 coral top, 1 grey top, 1 black and white scarf, 2 skirts (one black, one grey with a belt) as well as a deep purpleish-blue dress. So here's a picture of me wearing the grey skirt (a size 3 !!!) with the black t-shirt. On this pic, I am 137.8 lbs.

My legs are starting to look much better. But I wish my arms were smaller, but alas, there's not magic trick, you can't always loose where you want to ! I think I'm going to have to accept that my arms look ginormous for my weight ! (Or maybe I should just keep on doing the 30 Day Shred and have nice toned arms.) So now, here's my favorite, the blue dress !!! I really liked it, and I never thought that kind of dress would actually look nice on me.

So hmm. That's it for today. I hope these before and after pics are a bit encouraging for those wondering if they'll ever see results or even get to goal altogether.

I have 10 pounds left to loose. I'm confident, I will get there.

I am SOOOOOO excited !!!

Ok, I said I gained weight, and I was upset. That night, I gave myself a kick in the butt, and I have been strictly following my plan since then, because I had no flexpoints left.

Well, Easter went smoother than any other day of the week. I ate a lot of rabbit food (veggies LOL) and Jell-O, but it went fine and had the roast I was waiting all week for, the oil-coated potatoes (makes them become golden and crispy yum !) and even the gravy ! I ended up having strawberries dipped in chocolate for dessert. I had only 20 points, and only used 20 points.

Anyway, here's my weight-in video =D Because I am pleased to announce that... No, wait, just watch it !

So yeah, today was a very good day. I got all my jewelry stuff out again, and started building up inventory for May 2nd, for our cocktail party. So far, I have a complete set of wineglass markers done, half an anklet, and earrings waiting to be assembled to their hooks.

I also listed new items on Artfire.com, and put a new listing up on Etsy. I haven't done that in a while, but now that I have time, it's easier for me to take time and upload photos photos and add descriptions.

Oh, and I took a big decision regarding enidjewelry.com... I will take the website down and let go of the domain. Why ? First, because I need to put my money somewhere else, and second, I update more on my blog than on the website itself. Every new product is mentionned here, and it felt repetitive to add the same thing to the website's frontpage. So there. You want to know everything about my new jewelry lines ? Keep on reading this blog, I'll keep you all updated !

Enough rambling now, going to bed. Will take pictures outside tomorrow. It's supposed to be sunny and warm. And we're starting to see bulb leaves. Soon, we'll blink an eye and see tulips and May will be on our doorstep.

I can't wait. Spring is always full of fresh surprises. Smile, life is beautiful.

Quick Vid !

Good morning everyone !

Here's a quick video I did yesterday regarding the past two weeks, so here :

Also, we moved the cocktail night at my friend's place to May 2nd, because I was working all week-end at my day job, and I need the whole afternoon to set the table up, and prepare some snacks and drinks. I think it's going to be a success, out cocktail parties ALWAYS have been a success !!! I want to start incorporating more "presentation" type of things, I want people to interact, I got to work on that too.

Off to make some anklets, be back later with pictures, maybe =)

-V

Giveaway Extension !

My first giveaway !!! - Extended until April 25th !!!

So to thank you all for your support, I offer the chance to all my readers to win this nice pair of pink earrings made by yours truly.

To qualify, you must :

-Either post a comment on the original giveaway post with a new fund raising idea my walking/running team could use !

-Or follow this blog and comment on the original giveaway post so I know who you are !

Please leave your email address so I can contact you if you are the winner ! Giveaway starts on March 28th at 5PM EST and ends on Easter Sunday, April 25th, at 5PM EST. Names will be put in a hat and my lovely sister Roxanne will pick a winner !

Good luck everyone =)

-V

My new haircut !

My new haircut !, originally uploaded by brindegazon.

Wow, it's been forever since I didn't cut my hair or had a proper hair-dye. Well here I am, new color, new haircut, new style ! I love it, really. I can style it any way I want, from curly-girly (like on the picture !) or straight, or messy/bedhead style, really, I can do anything with it !

Well, I think I was in need of a change. I have new clothes, I'm thinner, I wear make-up everyday, but I didn't have a proper haircut. In the morning, I was just stuffing my hair into a ponytail and that was it. My hair was looking dull, and honestly, not that great. Even my sister told me I didn't look very nice one day, and she said I should get a haircut. Well, I did.

Anyway, I know I wasn't feeling so great this week, but things picked up. I gave myself a kick in the butt, and had a great day (food-wise) yesterday. I felt like I was weening from drugs, but still, I didn,t give in and didn't go get that last piece of cake in the freezer. Good for me, because I don't have any Flex left. Which brings me to the Easter dinner issue.

I have to be strict for the whole day today too. I requested roast-beef for dinner, and my mom made it. Great, because I know I won't eat something too salty like ham. WI is tomorrow, and roast beef will be fine. Dessert, well. The dessert... Strawberries dipped in one once of chocolate is what I will have. I can't afford to have anything else. How dull is that ? Well, next time, I'll learn to keep some Flex for these occasions. One more good motivator to not binge during the week.

I will post a new video this afternoon, so I might come and post again !!!

NOT ok.

Oh I thought I wouldn't come and write this here, because I just feel like a big fat fraud right now. But still, I'll write it here.

I've been saying the weight loss is a success, that it's doing good, but that's absolutely false for the last 4-5 days. Seriously, I lost control of myself, and then the binge started. I'm not going to tell you about the 50 points over my flex and Activity points that I ingested, and I'm not going to talk about the 5 points I have over my APs and Flex right now, 3 days in my new week. No. I'm going to talk about how it happens.

It happens in the brain, my MY brain. Actually, it's way more complex than just happening in my brain, let me explain by giving you an example. I'm bored, I'm stressed, or I'm just going back to my old habits. I get up, open the cupboard. At this point, I am telling myself not to eat, as I'm not hungry. But that's when it happens. It's like the connections between my brain and my body disapears and that I have no control over my actions. Then I take the box of cereals/biscuits/crackers/whatever, open it, and while telling myself I should put it back there and not eat, as I'm not hungry, I keep on pouring the contents in a bowl. And then I eat it. Without even trying to throw it/put it back in the cup board/keep it as left overs.

Why in the world is it like that ? People who say that I should just exercise self-control are right, but it's easier said than done ! And right now, like I said, I am feeling like a big fat fraud. Sometimes I just stuff my face in something and still end up loosing weight. Sometimes I'm lucky and get a good weight in, but now that I'm getting closer to goal, the weight doesn't come off if I stuff my face like I do all the time. I need to do something about it. I just don't know what. I plan my meals, write them down in advance, nothing works, I NEVER STICK TO MY PLANS ! Well when I do it's a victory in itself, but it's what, once a month ?

Tomorrow I'm heading to the gym. I just hope to be earning enough APs to catch up.

I'm hopeless. And PMSing. I'm bloated, I'm feeling fat and ugly. And I stuffed my face in popcorn. Not the low-fat thing. Yes you guessed, extra-butter. Blergh.

I should talk about him sometimes !

The Little Hubby and I - Llanfairpwll...etc., originally uploaded by brindegazon.

About who ? About my little hubby ! Yes, the tiny guy by my side on that picture is my husband. (OMGOSH WAS I THIN BACK THEN !!!!!!! But guess what, I'm thinner now than when that picture was taken WOOHOO !) And I know we're both extra tiny on the picture, but we had to see the whole town sign, which is comprised of 58 letters. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgoger.... whatever.

No, I didn't marry a 6 foot tall football player, I noticed... But still, we always say he shrunk in the wash ! So maybe he is a 6 foot tall footbal player, he's just hiding it. That doesn't prevent him from living a normal life, although he might encounter some obstacles and ask for help when this happens. I mean, he can wash the dishes and start a wash when he's home, and I know he's able to mow the lawn with the electric land mower, but I won't let him do that, he's too dangerous >.> Runs over the wire and so on, he once said to me.

Anyway, We've been living appart for a while, visiting 3 to 4 times a year, but this year will be different. He's moving to Canada on August 5th ! We'll be starting immigration procedures, and then he will be able to work here. I can't wait, to be honest, because when he comes here, he's never quite at home, and when he goes back to Wales, he's not quite at home either. He always lives in suitcases, and I don't blame him for hating it. Having to say good bye everytime doesn't rock that hard either.

I don't know how we will survive on his savings for about a year and a half (And maybe two years if the government hates on us) But I am confident that the Lord will provide, because he always does. I witnessed his presence in my life, I know he can provide, even when we think we'll never get out of the mud.

So here. You know me a bit better !

-V

Giveaway - Recap

My first giveaway !!!

So to thank you all for your support, I offer the chance to all my readers to win this nice pair of pink earrings made by yours truly.

To qualify, you must :

-Either post a comment on the original giveaway post with a new fund raising idea my walking/running team could use !

-Or follow this blog and comment on the original giveaway post so I know who you are !

Please leave your email address so I can contact you if you are the winner ! Giveaway starts on March 28th at 5PM EST and ends on Easter Sunday, April 12th, at 5PM EST. Names will be put in a hat and my lovely sister Roxanne will pick a winner !

Good luck everyone =)

-V

Artfire ? Oh yeah !

I came accross Artfire on Twitter, when Redpanda mentionned that for a flat fee per month, you could list an indefinite number of items, with up to 10 photos, and that, on top of this, there are absulotely no fees when you make a sale !

I thought to myself, might as well try, you never know. Etsy charges me 20 cents per listing, and 3.5% of my sale's amount, on top of the fees Paypal charges me.

So I started listing a couple days ago, I joined a Christian guild (The equivalent of street teams on Etsy I guess !) and will see how I do, but I think this is going to be a very venue ! You can make an Artfire shop window, which looks a lot like an Etsy mini, to post on your website or blog.

For those interested, the current special on the monthly fees is 12$ US per month instead of 20$, so hurry to grab an account ! I mean, when your Etsy bill is more than 12 $ a month, I can see how Artfire can be interesting ! Register on ArtFire.com and start selling =)