Friday, April 17, 2009

Understanding Each Other's Role

It is funny how a misunderstanding can become a huge storm. My husband and I had that big argument about the Bible's view of the woman's role in a marriage. I kept on stumbling on the word submission, and got mad. I didn't quite understand what that meant. Did it mean that men have authority over women ? Does it mean submission as in "supporting your husband's decisions" ?

Then comes the misunderstandings. My husband was trying his best to explain, but I guess the words didn't come out the way they should have, and to be honest, at that very point, I wasn't even willing to listen to more "insanity" from him. (Poor little hubby !) But I went to get help, and I got help from my fellow TeamCAC members. They helped me to see that submission doesn't mean that your husband has authority over you. It does not mean that you can't take decisions either, as your husband has to respect you and value your opinions. Your husband should love you enough and trust you enough to let you take decisions. The most clear and simple explanation came from Sharon (From ) and here's what it says :

"Immediately following the verse where wives are to submit to their husbands, Paul instructs ALL believers in Christ to submit to each other. And the word "submit" has a unique meaning as well. Submission does not mean mindless obedience without a choice. The same word for "submit" is used when Christ "submitted" to God and CHOSE to die on the cross. The Greek word, hupotassō, is often translated as “submitting to” or “being subject” to. It had two uses: military and non-military. The military use implies obedience of a command, but the non-military use implies an attitude of cooperating, helping carry a burden, voluntarily giving in. It means to "support". So as women we are to support our husbands in their decisions and support their leadership, helping them to carry their burden. Wives are told to submit to their husbands as to the Lord, and Christ told us to submit to him as the Church, and if he meant for it to be a military submission, then he would have not gone to all the trouble to die for us out of a loving sacrifice and give us the CHOICE to submit. "

I also understand now, the role of the husband in the unity of marriage. But giving him the title of head of a household, God is qualifying that man to become a protector for his family. He does not make him a dictator over his family, he's just giving that important role to the man so he can protect and support his family as God protects and love His children unconditionally. But the husband also owes respect to his wife ! A marriage is a unity, where both parts have their own roles. Let's look at the woman's role now.

The woman is here to support her husband as a protector (Referred to as "head of the household" here) but also needs to take her place. It doesn't mean that she's there to sweep floors and make babies, it also means budgetting, take decisions and let her opinion be heard. In no way the man should be the only one taking important decisions for the family, and in no way the woman whould be the only one doing so either. A marriage is a unity composed of two beings, and it is natural that these said beings agree together and discuss things together. None of them is more important than the other, and any decision taken that regards the family and the marriage unity should be discussed and the two parts should come to an agreement regarding that decision. Everything has to be done in love and respect, and both opinions should be valued.

So here. We're not doormats. Each person has their place and role to play in this life, and has to understand it. I can play my role, now that everything is clear in my head.

Thank you, TeamCAC. You ladies are a considerable source of wisdom I know I can always turn to. Hugs to Angela, Anastasia, the Krispybanana (don't know your first name sorry =/) Char, Halohatz (No first name again =/) Busybee, Sharon and Amy. If I forget someone, I'm sorry. But I love you too !


Peek A Boo Productions said...

Well said, Val! :) You go, girl!

Hampton House said...

Geeeeeze Doll, you learn fast! Much faster than I did! Phil is blessed to have you as a wife!

So glad your heart is set on happy again!


Phil said...

Glad you are understanding now baby. I know its difficult sometimes to understand. Now you finaly do which im proud of. Love You. =)

knitblitz said...

Yay! Praise God you hear HIM!

Rhonda (Halo) said...

Oh Val, I'm so glad God has shown you peace and understanding. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Hugs!

Anonymous said...

Love you Val! Keep digging. Keep searching. Don't be afraid to ask questions. And most important, don't be afraid to trust in God's plan even when it feels funny. He is SO brilliant and SO loving. He wants our lives to be full of joy and love. He has said to trust in His plan so that He can bless us fully. He loves you more than you will ever understand while here on earth!
Peace sister! kelli.

Charsbeads4u said...

We love you too Val and Philz....we're so happy the devil didn't gain a foot hold in your marriage this time! Yeah God!!!
Hang in there and remember...we're always here for you two! A lot of us are older and have been there and done that, so to speak, so we've learned the hard way a lot of times, but if we can spare someone else from suffering, then we are more than willing to help!

Anonymous said...

Hi daughter hehe. I didnt get when you told me about your religion post in your blog, didnt see this one until today, well let me tell you, and you know I dont discuss religion or politics with anyone, it was touching